By: Sarah Zlotnick
Photo: Stephanie W. Photography
Wedding receptions are supposed to be a place of love, laughter, and epic dance moves. Avoid awkward glances and embarrassing your new in-laws by making sure these ten songs are securely situated on your DJ’s “Do Not Play” list.
1. “Love Stinks” by J. GieIs Band
If there’s anything we learned from The Wedding Singer (fast forward to 1:50 of this scene), it’s that wedding receptions are the #1 place to not air personal relationship grievances. Let’s try a little more positive outlook on love, shall we?
The Worst Verse: You love her / But she loves him / And he loves somebody else / You just can’t win / And so it goes / Till the day you die / This thing they call love / It’s gonna make you cry
2. “Gold Digger” by Kanye West
Catchy, we know. And a hit on almost any dance floor. But do you really want to be surrounded by a roomful of people singing about blatant materialism mere hours after you got married?
The Worst Verse: If you ain’t no punk holla we want prenup / We Want Prenup! Yeah / It’s something that you need to have / ‘Cause when she leave yo a** she gonna leave with half
3. “Somebody That I Used To Know” by Gotye
An angsty alt-rock song about an extremely painful break-up. Heavy radio play aside, what about this says wedding song?
The Worse Verse: But you didn’t have to cut me off / Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing / And I don’t even need your love / But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
4. “Forget You” by Cee-Lo Green (the uncensored version)
Grandma is going to be offended by a certain four letter word, and the last thing you need is a slightly tipsy (and recently jilted) attendee grabbing the DJ’s mic and dedicating the ditty to a former flame.
The Worst Verse: Now I know, that I had to borrow / Beg and steal and lie and cheat / Trying to keep ya / Trying to please ya / ‘Cause being in love with your a** ain’t cheap.
5. “If You Want to Be Happy” by Jimmy Soul
This 1963 chart-topper could not be any more cringe-worthy on a bride’s big day. Even those with the steeliest senses of humor should avoid.
The Worse Verse: If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life / Never make a pretty woman your wife.
6. “It Wasn’t Me” by Shaggy
No songs about cheating, please and thanks. Especially no songs about cheating and then vehemently lying about it.
The Worst Verse: To be a true player you have to know how to play / If she say a night, convince her say a day / Never admit to a word when she say / And if she claims and you tell her baby no way
7. “My Humps” by The Black Eyed Peas
If it’s going to make your grandparents blush, save it for the bachelorette party.
The Worse Verse: What you gon’ do with all that junk? / All that junk inside that trunk? / I’ma get, get, get get you drunk / Get you love drunk off my hump
8. “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails
Far too raw, graphic, and visceral for any family-oriented event.
The Worst Verse: You let me violate you / you let me desecrate you / you let me penetrate you / you let me complicate you
9. “Bad Touch” by The Bloodhound Gang
See #7. Seriously folks, if you wouldn’t leave it on with your parents or kids in the car, don’t put it in the playlist.
The Worst Verse: You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals / So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
10. “D-I-V-O-R-C-E” by Tammy Wynette
No explanation required.
The Worst Verse: Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E becomes final today / Me and little J-O-E will be goin’ away / I love you both and this will be pure H-E double L for me / Oh, I wish that we could stop this D-I-V-O-R-C-E.